Saturday, June 21, 2008

Satan Has Taken Up Residence Inside My Commode

Alternate title:  Reason #812 Why I Cannot WAIT For My Husband to get Home

So last Tuesday (yes, 4 days ago), Dane is doing his business in our lone downstairs potty.  All offending objects were successfully flushed from the bowl, but no subsequent flushing was allowed after that.  When you flush, the water rises to near the top, then slowly lowers without actually "flushing".  After minimal interrogation, Dane confessed to "using a lot of toilet paper, Mommy.  A lot.  And I'm so sorry.  Do you forgive me?"

While I have forgiven Dane, the commode apparently has not.  The ancient serpent himself is now living in the bowels of my bowl.  And no amount of flushing, wire coat hanger manipulation, dumping a pot of hot water into it, or Drain-O will flush him out.  (I spent some time on Wikepedia trying to figure out a solution.  Because I am a believer in research-based practice.)  

Nothing is working, people, and the toilet is still clogged.  Josh the Intern even came over last night and watched the children while Stephany and I were shoe shopping and eating Mexican food.  While he was here, he spent some time with my toilet plunger trying to unclog the stubborn potty.  Nada.  Nothing.  Josh even suggested the unthinkable.  That perhaps my children had flushed something other than toilet paper.  

Why, that is unfathomable.  My children are precious and they would just never.  They don't pee in the toy box, so why would they put toys in the potty?  He obviously does not know that Dane and Aidan are simply not capable of such behavior.

Excuse my while I go check the toy box.

So here is my plan.  The exorcism is scheduled for Tuesday.  My friend Handy Matthew will return home from a glamourous week in New York City and dismantle my commode for me.  (I don't think he knows this plan yet.)  He actually knows how to take it out.  Like, out of the floor.  And supposedly, he can put it back in the floor.  All before Hot-But-Considerably-Less-Handy Brandon comes home on Friday.  So hopefully I will have a properly flushing downstairs toilet so my children will stop running to the backyard every time they have to tinkle.  

And not a moment too soon.  Yesterday, Aidan was actually aiming for the soccer ball that had been left in the yard.  


Did I mention the hubby is coming home on FRIDAY?!  

And just in time.  Because I am pooped.


Brandy said...

You talking about Dane and Aidan running to the backyard to pee reminded me of something that happened today. We were at a grand opening for a pool in Flower Mound today. We were having fun introducing Zane to the water. We look up to see a little boy about Aidan's age pulling down his pants and peeing right into the pool. It was hilarious. The mom was so embarrassed and said the child was just potty trained. Haha! Good luck with your toilet.

Jeana said...

Pooped. Hah!

Love your blog title. Outnumbered indeed.