Open Letter to my Contractor Who Shall Remain Nameless

(if this makes no sense to you, please read the postings in the "Ike" category on my sidebar.)

Dear Sir:

Thank you for picking up your telephone on the Sunday morning following Hurricane Ike this past year. That is the only reason I hired you to fix my house after the damage it incurred. I was a hormonal, homeless, desperate woman with very limited cell phone service at the time, and I was very grateful to make contact with someone who knew how to build things.

But most days I wake up and wish you had not picked up that phone. You know, that day almost five months ago. Yes, five months ago, when you took on the job. The job that still isn't finished. Most days I wake up and wish I had not been so frantic and impulsive and had the clarity of mind to wait a few more days post-hurricane for businesses and other contractors to open up shop again, so that I could have hired a competent person instead. I'm not trying to be ugly, I just do not enjoy being lied to. Over and over again. You seem like a very nice person, and your family seems lovely. We would probably all get along just fine and dandy as long as we never have to do business together again.

A couple of other things I would like to mention:

--I wish you would have read the paperwork I gave you outlining exactly what insurance was going to cover, instead of just sticking it in my file. Then perhaps we would not have wasted 2 months because you didn't realize they didn't want to replace the roof (the roof has been replaced).

--Please explain to me why it is surprising to you that more than one coat of paint is required when you are painting walls. Especially when you are painting dark colors. The insurance paperwork outlined that they were paying for two coats of paint to be applied, so please act surprised. Please do not tell me "The job won't be done when we said it would be done because NOW WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PUT ANOTHER COAT OF PAINT ON". Um, have you ever painted before? Of course red walls and green walls and blue walls are going to need two coats of paint. And while we're on the subject of painting, is it possible to have more than just the one guy painting the entire interior of the house? The job may get done a bit quicker if he had couple more sets of hands.

--Please tell your workers to please not throw away things like shower recesses and light fixtures when we buy them and leave them at the house for your workers to install.

--Thank you for fixing our crown molding. It looks much better now.

--When you tell us to pick from a small selection of carpet that is both in our price range and "in-stock", please make sure said carpet is actually in-stock. And please make sure that the second carpet that we pick out because you tell us is "in-stock" is actually in-stock. Because now we are having our third choice installed because the first two carpets will not be "in-stock" until the end of the month.

--See those apartments going up on the street outside of my neighborhood? Know why they are being built so fast? BECAUSE MORE THAN TWO PEOPLE ARE WORKING AT A TIME. Should it bother me that an entire apartment complex is being built from the ground up faster than my house is being made livable?

Thank you for letting me vent, Mr. Contractor-Who-Shall-Remain-Nameless. Please keep in mind that though I am extremely frustrated with you, I pray for you on an inconsistent basis. I pray that your weeks are slow and relaxing, so that there is ample time for you to finish this stinkin' job already.

Sincerely,

Homeless and Pregnant