To Emerson on Her Birthday

Dear Emerson,

Happy birthday sweet girl! You probably don't know that it's your birthday today, and it's very likely that no one told you "Happy birthday" today. No cake was made for you, no gifts were given to you to open, no boxes to play with while toys were ignored.

But your mommy and daddy remembered. We want so badly to be with you today, to make a cake and give you presents. To sing to you while you blew out candles. We wanted to take your brothers and sisters shopping to pick out a gift for you from them, and take pictures of you at your birthday party.

As weird as it is, given that we have never actually met you, we miss you so much. We look at your picture all day long. You are thought of and prayed for every single day, Emerson. We pray that you know you are loved, and that there is someone where you live that shows you that they love you. We pray that you are healthy, and we wonder if you have received the photo album and music that we made for you. We wonder if your caregivers have told you about us, and shown you the pictures. We wonder if you will have any understanding that we are your family when we bring you home. We wonder if you know any English words at all, and how difficult it will be to communicate with you, our daughter, those first few months. We wonder when we will finally go to China to get you, and we know that it will likely be another 4 months before we get to travel. I wonder if you will like to play with baby dolls like your little sister, or Legos and stuffed animals like your big brothers.

I am thinking of your biological mother today, too, Emerson. Regardless of the circumstances, I cannot imagine how difficult it would have been for a mommy to abandon her newborn daughter, and I think that surely she is thinking about you today, too.

I can't wait to meet you and bring you home, sweet girl. I can't wait for your brothers and sister to meet you, and completely overwhelm you with hugs and kisses and constant attention and talking and probably an inadvertent tackle. This is not a quiet, calm house that you're coming home to, Emerson. It is one that is loud, usually a little messy, and full of people that love each other and love you very much.

Happy 3rd birthday, sweet baby.