Wise Sayings From Dane

Brandon sat the boys down a couple of nights ago and asked the boys to complete a few sentences, recite old wisdom, if you will. We gave them the first part of the sentence, and had them complete it. Here's some of what Dane came up with:

Strike while the...guard is down. (nice strategic planning, Dane!)

It's always darkest before...1:00. (?)

Never underestimate the power of...pooping. (yeah, an 8 year old boy answered these)

You can lead a horse to water but...you can't give it food. (except when you can give it food)

Don't bite the hand that...is an animal hand. (bad idea to bite animal hands. bad idea.)

No news is...bad news. (except for when it's not)

A miss is as good as a...try. (I don't even know how this one is supposed to end)

If you lie down with dogs, you'll...get gassy. (again with the bathroom functions)

Love all, trust...God. (hmmm.)

The pen is mightier than the...pencil. (yes, yes it is)

An idle mind is...a lazy mind. (truth!)

Where there's smoke, there's...heat. (true)

Happy is the bride who...is a farter. (I can personally attest to this one)

A penny saved is...better than zero cents. (math whiz)

Two's company, three's...love. (WHAT??)

Don't put off till tomorrow what...golf. (WHAT??)

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and...fart. (but only if you're crying really hard)

There are none so blind as...an alligator. (are alligators blind? did I miss something?)

Children should be seen and not...hurt. (psa courtesy of Dane)

A bird in the hand...is a diamond. (why birds never land on Dane's hand)

Better late than...gone. (in some cases)

and my personal favorite:

When the blind lead the blind...you get beat up. (I'm still laughing at that one. It reminds me of the sign at the bank.)

Fun little game to play with your kids. Next up (hopefully not a month from now, thanks, awesome computer) Aidan's answers!

Almost 8

My almost-8 year old Dane and I spent an afternoon just the two of us this past weekend, and we had some...informative conversations on the way home.

Mom: (singing)Oh, bring us some figgy pudding, oh bring us some figgy pudding. Dane, what do you think figgy pudding tastes like?

Dane: I don’t know. I bet it’s pretty good. It probably tastes kinda like chocolate pudding. (pause) But if it actually had little pieces of pigs in them, it would be disgusting!

Mom: Little pieces of pigs? (insert confused face here). Um, Dane, you know it’s figgy pudding, not piggy pudding, right?

Dane: It is? (pause) Than I bet it tastes like fig newtons. Nathan had fig newtons one time at lunch and he let me try one. They were brown inside, but they did not taste like chocolate.

Mom, I don’t think Mrs. W. knows how old she is. She’s really old. She has 6 children and 12 grandchildren. But on a worksheet she was showing us, where it asked for her age, she wrote 33 with a question mark! Mom, there’s no WAY she’s 33. She has to be a lot older than that, because you’re 33, and I’m only 7. Do you think she forgot how old she is?

In 20 years I bet Betty will be a great-great grandmother (this was part of a conversation where we were discussing the ages of my grandparents). Because in 20 years, I will be 27, and I’m sure I will have a child by then. Because you have to be married first, and I’m sure I’ll be married. Then it takes, I guess about 3 years to have a baby. Then pregnancy lasts about 9 months or so, then you have a baby. So I’ll probably get married when I’m 22 or 23.

(Go ahead and say a little prayer for Dane's future wife. Pray that she loves Jesus and is very easy-going and laid back and can go-with-the-flow. Because my boy? HE'S A BIT OF A PLANNER.)

Dane: Hey, Mom, can you spell I Cup? (I fell right into that one.)

Me: I-C-U-P. Where’d you learn that one?

Dane: My friend ‘M’ made it up, it is so funny!

Me: He didn’t make it up. We were doing that when I was in elementary school. It’s as old as the hills.

Dane: Yeah, but the only person I actually see pee is Aidan. He pees in the shower, and you can’t not watch that.

(Must tell Aidan to STOP PEEING IN MY SHOWER).

Dane-o, I cannot believe you are about to turn 8. It seems like not that long ago that you looked like this.

And your circa 2004 mommy dressed you in holiday onesies with rick-rack on them. Because nothing is manlier than a little 4th of July rick-rack.

And now you are this bonafide big kid with big plans and big dreams. To say we are unspeakably proud of you is an understatement. Happy birthday, Dane Christopher.

They're Reaching for the Stars

A few days before school started, the talk in my house turned to what kindergarten was going to be like. I had a very excited, yet a little anxious, soon-to-be kindergartener, and a verteran elementary schooler doling out hard-earned advice about kindergarten and even college:

Dane: "You're going to like kindergarten. The people are real...friendly."

(After being kicked in the crotch by his brother) "Aidan, when you go to college, the girls will not like you if you kick other people in the crotch."
"College is...hard. Like, it makes you think so hard that your brains fall out."

And according to Aidan: "You have to go to college to find a girl to marry. After I go to college I want to sell cars to people. I will sell a lot of cars, and get one hundred dollars so I can buy my own car."

A couple of weeks later, Aidan had to fill out an "About Me" paper for school, and one of the questions addressed "What do you want to be when you grow up". I though this would be an easy question for my Aidan. Needless to say, he had some opinions on the matter.

Aidan, what do you want to be when you grow up?

I don't know, ask me when I'm 18.

I can't put that on this paper. I thought you wanted to be a guy that sells cars.

Dad says that's the worst job ever.

What about a youth minister like Daddy?

No, that's too hard. You have to work too much to do that.

What about a policeman like Uncle Izzy? Sometimes they get to have a dog with them at work!

No, that's too hard.

Do you want to take pictures like Uncle John?

That does not sound fun.

What about a dentist like Uncle Jeremy?

No, that job is too...toothy.

Do you want to be an architect like Uncle Andy?

What's an architect?

They decide what houses and buildings are going to look like, then they draw pictures of them and help build them.

Yeah! That sounds really easy, I wouldn't have to work too much to do that.

Apparently kindergarten these last couple of weeks have taken quite the toll on Aidan's work ethic. And he has somehow gotten into his head that architects have the easiest job ever. I asked Dane the same question a few days ago, and got a somewhat different, yet all too practical answer from my biggest:

Dane, what kind of job do you want to have when you are older?

"Whatever kind is hiring."

Reach for the stars, my boys. Reach for the stars.

Recent Conversations

Summertime has brought lots of together-time and some interesting conversations from my favorite brothers:

Dane: Aidan, you're such a pervert.

Me: Don't call Aidan a pervert. (Pause...why does my 6 year old know to call his brother a pervert? Where did he even hear that??) Dane, do you know what a pervert is? (Please don't know what a pervert is, please don't know what a pervert is...)

Dane: Yeah, mom. You know, a pervert is a grodo-baggins. Dad calls me and Aidan grodo-baggins all the time.

Me: (Laughing so hard Diet coke with splenda is threatening to squirt out my nose)

(Note: Brandon does say "grodo-baggins" all the time, which according to him, is a morphed version of something from Lord of the Rings. We are so cool.)

Another interesting conversation that happened as Aidan was trying to run out the door at McDonalds:

Me: Aidan, don't run out the door, wait for the rest of us please.

Aidan: Mom, God controls me, sorry.

"God controls me"?? What do you say to that one?

When Harper starts to talk, I am toast.

All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten

Dane reads everything he can get his hands on lately. Between that, and absorbing every tidbit of information he is learning at school these days, my eldest has become a veritable fount of random knowledge:

Mom, did you know that a brachiosaurus that has just hatched from his egg can drop a poop ball as big as Harper?

Mom, I learned what birth is. It means being born. Baby Uriah had some birth just a few days ago.

Mom, how many blowholes does a whale have? Did you ever see a whale? Have you ever been on a whale-watching boat? What kind of whale did you see?

Mom, did you know that insects have three parts? They have a head, thorax, and albumin. Or something like that. Abdomen. It's like albumin in an egg.

Mom, did you know that when mole rats get really hungry, they eat their own poop?

Does anyone else notice a theme here?

And yes, we have started swim team practice. Why do you ask?

Hijacked by Brandon

Mandy has been really slacking on the blog lately hasn't she? So I decided that I would fill in as a guest blogger unbeknownst to her! I've got to hurry before she gets home from work...she should be on the way right now.

So, I'm driving home with the kids tonight and we get into one of those really weird conversations Mandy is always describing...you know the ones that begin, "I never thought I'd hear this come out of my son's mouth."? Well it happened again - enjoy...

Dane: (After long discussion on Star Wars the Clone Wars) And he never even got to be a Storm Trooper!

Dad: (Wanting to change the subject and as I am want to do, choosing the most inappropriate way possible) Your Mom's a Storm Trooper! (I work with high school students - my speech patterns are considered an on the job injury)

Dane: (Serious as a heart attack) No she is not. (You don't joke around with Star Wars lore in our house)

Dad: (Feeling duly chastised) I know, I know...she's an ER nurse, right?

Dane: Yeah, a hot nurse. (My six year just referred to his Mom as a "hot nurse" - ewwww!)

Dad: (Coughing) Uh...Dane...that's really only something that Dad is supposed to say about Mom.

Dane: (Arms and eyebrows upraised, defensively) Whaaaaaat?

(Insert awkward silence here...maybe some crickets chirping)

Dane: Man, I wish I had a Death Star.

I can't possibly explain to you how much I love being a part of this family! Every day is another adventure into the world of cool, creative, hyperactive, destructive, weird, inappropriate, awesome kids. I can't wait to get old and see what kind of freaks my children and the strange people they marry will sire...it's gonna be so cool to watch!

I think I hear the garage door opening - gotta go! Hope you'll forgive the spelling, my strange use of punctuation and the butchering of the English language (Remember, I'm a youth minister!).

(But really, this was written by Brandon...oh wait, excuse me - "Hot Brandon.")

P.S. - Coming soon - "Aidan's 2010 Edition of the Infamous Rodeo Boot." It rocks!

Butty the Butterfly

Our family went to the art show at Dane and Aidan's school today, and saw all of the artwork the kids have been working on these last few weeks.  

One of Dane's pictures was of a butterfly, entitled "Butty" (pronounced "Buddy", not "Bootie").  When we got home, Dane dictated a story about Butty:

Once upon a time Butty the Butterfly went into the jungle and he saw a lion.  The lion ate Butty, but he was still alive in the lion's tummy.  When Butty was in the lion's tummy, it was not fun at all, because there were fox bones everywhere.  The lion spotted a tiger that was already dead and decided to eat the tiger, and Butty flew out of the lion's tummy when the lion opened his mouth.  And then Butty went to town, and everyone who saw him took pictures of him because they liked the colors of his wings.

The End.

Only one of my boys would look at a cute painting of a butterfly and come up with a story involving animal carnage.  And it reminds me of this moment.

But seriously.  Don't most butterfly stories involve some sort of cocoon?  Stories of the caterpillar emerging as a butterfly with beautiful colorful wings?  

Not dead tigers?

Things I Don't Want to Forget

With a new baby's arrival very near on the horizon, I wanted to document a couple of things about Dane and Aidan that I didn't want to forget about them right now:

Aidan is very passionate about accessories right now.  He loves wearing hats, regardless of how weather-inappropriate they might be.  A couple of weeks ago, we had a cold front and he was getting himself dressed to go play outside.  At one point he had on a knit hat, sweatshirt, pajama shorts, and black sandals.  The outfit gradually transformed as he would go outside and declare certain parts of his body too cold, until he had something reasonable on.  Except for the sandals and hat.  Those both stayed.  Yesterday at church he had on the red hawaiian print shirt I had picked out for him, but then he had paired it with green camo shorts, red knee high soccer socks, and black "skateboarder" shoes.  Running late, into the van he went.  Some fights just aren't worth it, especially with my strong willed child on Sunday mornings.  And most people at our church didn't even bat an eye.  They're used to Aidan.

Dane is very close to reading right now, and can read some things.  He is good at recognizing words he has seen often, as well as most of the typical "sight words" he is supposed to recognize.  Yesterday he was looking through his little Bible story book, and could decipher "Five Thousand People" on his own.  But he still has trouble with the letter "y".

The boys love the baby already.  I don't think they have much concept that she's going to be here very soon (still hoping to make it till March 26th), but they love to come and hug my belly.  Dane does realize that "It's March right now and the baby is coming in March", but I don't know if he understands how soon that is.  Dane also likes to talk to the baby, and if I've recently eaten something, (okay, Thin Mints), he'll put his ear to my belly and say "I can hear the baby sister playing with the cookies in your tummy."

Aidan talks almost nonstop these days, but he is having issues with what I will call "beginning sounds".  I don't know if this is the technical term for it, but he says lots of words without the first sound on them.  For example, Christmas becomes "Witmat" and drink is "wink".  I have noticed that he mostly drops sounds that are consonant-consonant sounds (such as Chr and dr, br, etc), and doesn't have any problems saying the D in Daddy, P in potty, and M in mommy.  So I'm hoping he'll grow out of this.  But it makes understanding him a challenge at times.  Fortunately Dane is around to help translate.

Dane is wearing a shirt today with various Disney characters on the front.  I overheard him telling Aidan who everyone was on his shirt:  

D:  Here's Hercules, and this one is Tarzan, this is Peter Pan, and this guy is Adam.

Me:  Adam?  (turning to see who he is pointing to on his shirt)

D:  Yeah, Adam, like Adam and Eve.

Me:  That's not Adam, that's Alladin.  He has a sword and everything.

D:  Oh. 

I know this should bother me, but I'm not exactly sure why this should bother me.  Because Dane thinks Adam is a Disney character?  Because he thinks Adam had a sword?  Or because he thinks Disney characters were real like Adam was?

I have an ultrasound this afternoon to take a look at the baby sister and see how big she is getting.  Brandon and the boys are both coming, which should be fun.  

Happy Monday, everyone!

May the Force Be With Him

Conversation in the van earlier this week:

Dane: Mom, sometimes when people are really happy, they cry, right?
Me: Yes, sometimes people cry when they're real happy.
Dane: Yeah, sometimes when I wake up in the morning in my bed, and I'm thinking about Star Wars, I cry because I'm so happy. But it's not because I'm sad, it's because I'm happy. You can't hear me cry, I just have tears coming out of my eyes. I'm just a Star Wars fan.

The child has seen Star Wars movies twice. TWICE. But I guess he's just a Star Wars fan.

His Mother's Child

This is the conversation I had with Dane on the way home from church yesterday:

Me:  Dane, what did you learn in church today?

Dane:  I learned about when Jesus was born.

Me:  Tell me about when Jesus was born.

Dane:  Gabe-er-eee-al (Gabiel, to the rest of us) came to Mary and told her that she was going to have a new baby!  And to name him Jesus.  Then Mary went to the stable in Bethlehem and did what God told her to do.  And when Jesus was 13 he got lost and his parents were very worried about him.  And then Jesus grew up and he got the 12 disciples.  Disciples are people you teach things to.  And, actually, what are we having for lunch?

Apparently, much more than the "Jesus was born" story was covered in Dane's class yesterday.

And the fact that he went straight from Jesus to lunch plans proves once and for all that he is indeed my boy.

I'm Sorry, Miss Tiffany

The kids went back to school this past week after a week long Ike-induced hurrication.  When I picked Dane up on Tuesday, here is the conversation we had in the car:

Me:  Dane, did you tell Miss Tiffany what happened to our house?

Dane:  Yeah, I did.

Me:  What did you tell her?

Dane:  I told her that a big tree came into our house and water was all over our kitchen floor and consummation was EVERYWHERE.

Me:  What was everywhere? (I almost drove off the road at this point).

Dane:  You know, all that pink stuff that is above the ceiling.  It's EVERYWHERE.

Me:  You mean insulation?

Dane:  Oh, yeah.  Insulation.

So I guess the parent-teacher conference will probably be next week.  And Dane's classmates will go home and tell their parents that they all want to go to Dane's house because there's just consummation EVERYWHERE.

Hey, we don't call it Hotel Ike for nothin'.

What. On. Earth.

"Aidan, a brain is really hard, but soft when you take it out."

--Dane Christopher, as said at the dinner table

Is it supposed to be soft when you take it out?  Maybe I'm cooking it too long...

From the Mouth of Dane

Dane's had a busy day today.  I'll start with the sweet stuff that makes mommies proud.  Here was his prayer tonight while we were putting him to bed:

Dear God,

Thank you for this food.  And thank you for our house.  I love my parents, God.  And I love my little brother.  I love our house, and I love my toys.  And I love you, God.  And I believe in you, God.   Amen.

Immediately followed by, "Dad, when I'm five, am I going to have some really cool toys?"

Like, perhaps, throwing spears?

Earlier today, Dane and Aidan embarked on a little adventure. 

Dane:  Mom, me and Aidan are going up to the attic because there is a dead dog up there.  And a dead lion.  But you need to stay down here, because it is going to be freakin' weird.  So just stay down here, okay?

30 minutes later...

Me:  Dane, tell me about the attic.

Dane:  There was a dead lion.  (Rubbing his stomach) But I just ate all the meat off of him and threw his bones in the big trash can.

 

Keep in mind, my home does not have an attic.  When we were in Kentucky, Dane noticed that my cousin's home we were staying in had one of those pull-down-from-the-ceiling attic accesses with the built in ladder, and Dane was pretty darn interested in what was up there.  

I'm sorry.  

Pretty freakin' interested.  

I don't know why the most bothersome part of this story to me is the fact that we don't have an attic.  I seem to have no qualms about my son inventing dead lions and feasting on their carcasses ala Bear Grylls in Man vs. Wild.

I Love this Kid

My Dane is such a cool kid.  He says the funniest things.  Since I don't scrapbook, (or keep a baby book, as long as I'm being honest), I wanted to record some of my favorite Dane-isms so I don't forget them:

Lately he has been very concerned about germs.  I don't exactly know where this is coming from, because we do not harp on germs often.  He was about to drink out of Aidan's cup and he wiped the lid off before he would take a sip.  Nasty little brother cooties.

He knows 15 Bible verses, not including the Lord's Prayer.  They are:

1 John 5:3

1 John 4:11

Hebrews 10:24

Joshua 24:15

Phillipians 2:5

John 3:16

John 3:17

Isaiah 66:1

Acts 2:38

Psalm 34:8

Proverbs 22:6

John 11:35

Matthew 7:1

Hebrews 10:9

Psalm 27:4

and the Lord's Prayer

He uses big words he hears out of context.  I was snuggling him the other evening pre-bath time, and I said to him, "Dane, you smell like a little boy.".  He promptly snuggled me right back and said, "Mom, you smell like an obstacle."

His father has introduced him to all of the weird cartoons he himself was hooked on until inappropriately late in life (like into his 30s).  Dane now loves Pokemon, Ninja Turtles, and playing Pokemon on his father's 1989 Nintendo Gameboy.

When he gets a cut or a scrape, he frantically finds a bandaid for the minor wound.  The next day, the bandaid has been removed, and Dane in his childlike faith marvels that "Look how fast God is healing my elbow, mommy."

At bedtime the other night I was tucking him in and he says, "Wait, Mom.  I forgot to take off my bionic arm."  So he takes it off, and hangs it on the wall next to his bed.

Love you, Dane-o!

Prayers for Daddy

We have been praying for Brandon every night when the boys go to bed.  While Aidan's prayers remain indecipherable to everyone but God, Dane has had some pretty cute ones.  We have prayed every night, but these are the only ones I have remembered to write down: 

6/10

Dear God, please help my Daddy talk about God good in Thailand.  Please help everybody to have enough food and mommies and daddies.  And for them to listen to their mommies and daddies.  In Jesus name, Amen.

6/11

Dear God, please help my Daddy to talk good about God and (whispering) not about POOP.  I whispered it so God wouldn't hear it.

Do Over:

Dear God, please help my daddy to talk about God to all the people in Thailand, and to be safe and talk good about God and you Jesus.  That was good.  I said safe.  In Jesus name, Amen.

6/13

Dear God.  There is a king in Thailand.  Please help Daddy to listen to the king.  In Jesus name we pray, Amen.  (This led to a discussion about how God is King over everyone.  This was very confusing to Dane, he thought that Jesus was the king in Thailand that Brandon was referring to when he called us the other day.)

6/15

Dear God.  Help Daddy be good.  And safe.  And have courage in Thailand.  Help him to talk about you God to the people and be good.  Amen.

6/22

Dear God.  Please give Daddy patience.  And help him to have courage.  Help Daddy to talk good about you to the people in Thailand.  And help him give food and toys to everyone.  Amen.

6/24 

Dear God.  Help Daddy be good and safe.  What else?  Oh, and help him to give food to everyone and tell all the people about you, God.  And help Daddy to always chase after you.  Amen.

2 more days till Brandon is here!  The countdown is on!  Thank you to all of you who have been praying for this trip and who have helped out so much with me and the boys over the last several weeks.  I cannot tell you how grateful I am.  Hopefully the next post will have Thailand pictures! 

Just Now

We are going to a birthday party today.  It's at a karate place, and the boys have been looking forward to it for a couple of days.  I put Aidan down for an early nap, and me and Dane were having some "big boy time" while I was trying to get rid of this HORRIBLE MIGRAINE HEADACHE that is seriously threatening my party mood.

I needed a hug.  Badly.  So I requested one from Dane.  I told him I didn't feel good and he had to hug me right now or he wasn't going to the karate party.  Bad Mommy. 

I was denied.  Dane wanted to play, not cuddle.  So he went outside to play for a while, then came back inside to do arts and crafts with me at the kitchen table.  Much easier to do arts and crafts with a bad headache, than play Memory or watch annoying kids shows on TV. 

My boy is so sweet.  My head is killing me and my stomach hurts because I have eaten an embarrassing amount of blackberries over the past 24 hours.  I should be playing with him and reading with him and teaching him numbers and words and instead I just want to crawl into bed with an ice pack on my head and a bowl of blackberries (something is wrong with me, I know).  Instead I sit at the table, playing on the computer while he is coloring with his markers and being so sweet and quiet.

"Mom, look how good I am coloring."

"Dane, I am so proud of you.  I am proud of how good you are coloring and how smart you are.  Thank you for being so good behaved and so sweet today.  I love you, bubba."

My big four year old boy climbs out of his chair, over the table, and crawls into my lap and gives me a great big boy hug around my neck with lots of kisses and a head on my shoulder.

"Mom, do I get to go to the karate party now?"

Your Rainbows are Safe

We were reading an ABC book and had gotten to the "W" page:
Dane: What's this?
Mom: It's a wasp.
Dane: I don't like wasps. They sting people. But they don't sting rainbows. Only humans and statues.

Conversation with Dane

Brandon picked Dane and Aidan up from school today. Here was the conversation on the way home:
Dane: Dad, did you know that some letters start with other letters?
Brandon: What?
Dane: Like "W". D-d-double-you. W starts with D like Dane.

I must admit, I'm a little confused myself. And I have been utilizing the letters W and D for several years now. I just hope Dane doesn't try to explain this to his classmates in Kindergarten in a couple of years. They'll never learn to read.

The Good Samaritan

A weekly conversation Dane and I have is "What did you learn in church today?" This was the response I got today:

"I learned about the man from far away and when he was walking he just helped the man who got beat up by the robbers with the big sticks. Nobody else would help him. And he took care of all of his boo-boos."

Should I be concerned that Dane sounded really envious of the guys who got to have the big sticks?

Dane Quote

"Mom, I like ladies."

--Dane Christopher, Mr. Heartbreaker 2021