Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Eduoard, You Dissappoint Me

Dear Houston Area News Media,

Thank you so much for alerting me regarding the formation, tracking, projected path, possible destruction, wind speeds, expected rain amount, and bowel movements of Tropical Storm Eduoard. I really enjoyed all of the vintage footing of prior destruction caused by Hurricane Katrina in Louisiana. And of course, I think it is very appropriate to compare landfall of a Category 5 Hurricane in a sub-sea level town to a Tropical Storm headed directly for a wildlife reserve on the Texas coast. Also helpful was the advice regarding where to buy plywood and how much bottled water I needed to stock up on. Quick question: if this storm is going to be destructive enough to interrupt underground water lines and/or cause contamination in the water system, are 3 gallons of water really going to be sufficient? Aren't we better off just getting out of Dodge for a few days?

Thank you very much for keeping me posted on the fact that every school, daycare, and apparently, post office in the entire Houston area was closed for the day. Boy howdy, we sure do get excited about our possible storms here. I also appreciated the interview with the ill-informed vacationer in Galveston who notified your entire viewing area that she had "stocked up on cokes, chips, and snacks, and is ready to ride out the storm." Because that is truly the most helpful piece of information I could have received regarding storm preparation. (Note I did not say "hurricane preparation". It was NEVER A HURRICANE, HOUSTON NEWS MEDIA!!)

I guess all of the Wal-Mart shoppers in my area heeded her advice. On my Tuesday morning trip to Wal-Mart for chicken and a People magazine (don't laugh), I was startled to see that, yes, indeed, all of the chips were gone. I'm sorry not all. There were plenty of Cool Ranch Doritos. Apparently even people who anticipate starving during a storm will not even eat Cool Ranch Doritos. The bottled water/soda aisle and soup aisle had taken a hit as well. The inside of my Wal-Mart Tuesday morning was more of a disaster area than the outside was.

Thank you also for notifying me that my home 75 miles inland could expect up to 5 inches of rain yesterday. I was getting excited that perhaps I would not have to water my dead grass for a few days. Instead, we got a measly 1.5 inches of rain. It rained more than that on a wet day last week with much less fanfair. Excuse me for a moment while I go set my sprinklers to water today.

Okay, I'm back. Moving on.

The ramifications of your over-dramatized and innacurate reporting do not just affect us locals. The consequences are nationwide and far reaching. We have a college boy from Missouri who is interning at our church living with us for several weeks this summer. He was so excited about riding out his first tropical storm, and his sweet mother back in Missouri was worried about his safety, after seeing all of the re-run Hurricane Katrina footage and all. I think Josh was getting a little excited about the possibility of climbing to the roof in the midst of rising floods with only his 3 gallons of drinking water to sustain him. Well, that, and the protein bars he eats all the time.

Alas, we were not climbing to the roof yesterday, or even putting sandbags around the doors (you know, we may have gotten 5 inches of rain, people!) I spent the day popping popcorn for the "movie party" and playing about a dozen games of Candyland, since the swingset was too wet to play on.

Because, fellow Wal-Mart shoppers, Candyland and microwave popcorn are the real necessities of storm survival.

Someone should tell that vacationer in Galveston.


Anonymous said...

I am so glad that despite a terrible devastating you were able to maintain your sarcasm.

Jana said...

Last year for whatever the major scare storm was (I've already forgotten) I sent Jared to Wal-mart to get a few cans of formula because that was the only thing keeping Zeke alive. I was so worried it was all going to be gone because I have seen the grocery storm pre-storm. Nope...formula stacked so high it could hardly fit on the store shelves. On the other hand, toilet paper, batteries, chips, tuna, bread, peanut butter, water, all gone. Apparently people plan on feeding their infant little Debbie's in an emergency:)

Becky said...

You did soo much better than my ticked off rambling blog.

The Driskells said...

Your dad tipped me off to your blog, and it is hilarious! Love all your stories!

: ) Kara (Watson) Driskell